Joan Rivers on TV with me behind her

Joan Rivers on TV with me behind her (Photo credit: Alan Light)

Joan Rivers opens the E4 Udderbelly Southbank ...
Image via Wikipedia


Everyone’s tired of Gisele Bundchen criticizing the Patriots. This morning, M.I.A. gave her the finger.

Tonight I learned some GPS devices are just rude. When I last asked for directions, the voice said, “Turn left, then go to hell.” #JKB

It’s so frustrating! Nobody knows where Jason went. My new GPS couldn’t even locate him. #JKB

You’re a funny whore….that’s funny! #JKB

I hate when people try to make me the referee — mainly because I look hideous in vertical black & white stripes. #JKB

Thank God I was in a soundproof booth when Lynne and Tony were screaming at each other! Now if I could just turn off the damn intercom! #JKB

When I recorded my GPS lines I just pretended I was telling people exactly what they should do, just like if I was talking to Melissa. #JKB

This is fun! I love giving advice to people behind the wheel. I’ll be a back-seat driver when they take me away in the hearse. #JKB

It was so hard for me to give Melissa her fertility drug injection after Jason walked out! It’s a good thing I never became a junkie. #JKB

I LOVE photo-shopping. It’s God’s gift to ugly people. #JKB

“Happy Hollywood Homes” probably already asked Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony, Ashton and Demi, and Kim Kardashian and ….#JKB

We weren’t the first to be asked to appear in “Happy Hollywood Homes”. Other celebrities must have said NO before they asked us! #JKB

“Happy Hollywood Homes” is really a contradiction in terms. Like “attractive leper”, “huge miniature poodle”, “well-read Kardashian”. #JKB

#JKB is starting NOW on @WEtv!!!! East Coast that is….

Joan Knows Best? #JKB starts in 30 minutes! Are my Joan Rangers tuning in??? @WEtv at 9pm.